4.3 Writer's Workshop: Description
Revising Mini-lesson: Vary Sentence Openings
It is very important when you are writing a series of sentences that they don't all sound the same. Sentences that all start the same way sound "elementary" and boring. To fix this, vary the way that you start your sentences.
Here are some options:
- Subject (who or what is doing something; examples-person's name, he, she, it or they)
- Preposition (a word that shows position, time or location and is part of a phrase; examples -on, at, in, after, down, near...
- Adverb (usually tells how, or when something happened and ends in -ly..... examples: unfortunately, eventually, suddenly
- -ing word Example: Screaming, the child fled from the malicious mad man.
- VSS (very short sentence-5 words or less)
- Clausal ( where,when, while, as, since, if, although)
Example: (Notice the underlined words)
Seconds before (#2) the old, faithful alarm blared a distorted top-forty through its tiny top speaker, the thick, burnt scent of roasted coffee tickled the tip of my nose. Wiping (#4) away the grit of last night's sleep, the starch white sunlight blinded me momentarily as I slung my arm like an elephant trunk along the top of the alarm, searching for the snooze button. While (#6)stretching hands and feet to the four posts of my bed, my eyes opened after several watery blinks. I (#1) crawled out of the comforter, edging awkwardly like a butterfly from a cocoon, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. The dusty pebbles on the chilled, wood floor sent ripples spiraling from my ankles to the nape of my neck when my feet hit the floor. Grabbing (#4) the apricot, terri-cloth robe, recently bathed in fabric softener and October wind, I knotted it tightly at my waist like a prestigious coat of armor. I was ready to battle.(#5)
adapted from: https://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/descriptive.html
Do: Use one of each of these openers when revising your descriptive draft. Underline each one. This is one of the criterion in your final submission.