4.3 Writer's Workshop - Spoken Word Poem and Critical Thinking Essay

Introduction

In the last lesson, you read a poem about a dream for a better world. Do you agree with the statement: “Poetry can change the world”?

As you explore poetry through music and spoken word, you will write a "Five Paragraph Essay" - don't worry, the lessons have step-by-step guidance for this. You will also write your own Spoken Word poem. This writing won't be as difficult as it sounds. There is support for these tasks in the lessons, as well as enjoyable music and spoken word poems to enjoy. 

You will use your "Critical Thinking Competencies" to analyze evidence, gather information, and make choices for your essay and spoken word poem that will help you create an impact on your audience - your teacher, home facilitator, and anyone else you choose to share this body of work with. 

So do you agree with the statement: “Poetry can change the world”? 

Writer's Notebook 1: Can Poetry (Music) Change the World?

In the past 40 years, artists of all kinds have responded to problems. In music, the lyrics (the words) are powerful examples of poetry. Lyrics can be written for many purposes - entertainment, education, a way to express emotions or to process events, to raise awareness of a cause, or to respond to an issue or problem. This lesson will explore three of these songs - one from the 1980s, one from 2010, and one from 2015.

TEARS ARE NOT ENOUGH

Do you remember the concepts of theme and mood?

THEME

Remember, the theme in a story, movie, or poem is its underlying message, or big idea. It is the critical belief about life that the author is trying to convey.

MOOD

Mood is the atmosphere or emotion of a story or poem. A mood can be calm and peaceful, depressing or gloomy, hopeful, happy, angry, or any other atmosphere or emotion.

What mood do you think is created in Tears Are Not Enough? What words support the development of this mood? As you listen to the music, think about how both the words and images contributes to the mood.

Listen to the song. If your home facilitator is with you, he or she may be able to name some of the famous Canadian singers. Try not to laugh at the 1980s hairstyles! Think:

Writer's Notebook 1 Continued... Young Artists for Haiti

Listen to the song. When you watch the video, please do not go to the donations link given at the end.  The link is from 2010. Are you a Justin Bieber fan? The boy in the purple shirt near the end of the song is a younger Justin Bieber. If you listen to pop music, you may have heard of this famous Canadian singer and songwriter.

Think:

• What is the theme of the song?
• What is the mood of the song?

 Open your Writer's Notebook and complete responses for this song. Then return to the lesson. 

Writer's Notebook 1 Continued... Love Song to the Earth

LOVE SONG TO THE EARTH

Climate change? Global warming? The plight of the polar bears with the polar ice cap melting? Wildfires? Flooding?

In 2015, a group of some of the world’s biggest names in music wrote and produced a song to support the United Nations’ call for countries around the world to help reduce climate change and global warming.  Sales of the song raise money for an organization called Friends of the Earth to keep polluting fossil fuels in the ground, to reduce pollution, and to inspire support for this cause around the world.

Here are some of the lyrics. Read them out loud before listening to the song to find three metaphors comparing the earth to other objects and to get the gist of the song.

As you listen to the song, try to figure out the theme and listen for the three metaphors you found.

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete responses for this song. Then return to the lesson. 

Writer's Notebook 1 Continued... Critical Thinking Essay Body Paragraph One

CRITICAL THINKING ESSAY - BODY PARAGRAPH ONE

In a paragraph, record your ideas about how music lyrics have been used to change the world. Over the next few lessons, you will be drafting three body paragraphs that will end up in a five paragraph essay on this topic. 

Don't worry - the lessons will guide you through this process, step-by-step, and you will learn about all five of the paragraphs as you go along. If you can write a paragraph, you can write an essay!  

In today's body paragraph: 

• think about how poetry can change the world through music, using the songs for evidence
  
• show how music lyrics can reflect different purposes, messages, and audiences (supported by evidence from the text)
• make deep and relevant connections to extend your thinking.

Here are some ideas on how you may structure it:

Topic sentence ideas (Of course, you will only have ONE topic sentence): 

• Canadian artists and artists from around the world have _______________________ to encourage change.
• Music and lyrics have helped to _______________________________.
• Poetry, through music, has ____________________________.

Supporting details ideas: 

Supporting details give specifc ideas about the themes of the songs, lyrics that support your examples, and can even include how the images in the videos support the theme. The sentences below are examples of sentences you could use. Of course, you can change them around or start from scratch with your own sentences. 

• The song, ____________________, was written for the purpose of ________________________. The lyrics encourage _____________. For example, "________" and "_________". 
• Another song, written in response to  _______________, is hopeful that people will _____________. This is shown by "_________". 
• The theme of the song, _______________, made me think of how important the message about ______________ really is for the future. 
• The message was really clear when the lyrics said ___________________ and when the images in the video showed _______________________.

Concluding sentence: A clincher sentence the restates the topic sentence in a powerful new way.

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete: "Critical Thinking Essay - Body Paragraph One" 

Writer's Notebook 2: I Lost My Talk

 In this workshop, you will apply your "Critical Thinking Competencies" to analyze evidence, gather information, and make choices for your essay based on Rita Joe's poem,  I Lost my Talk", and the related Rita Joe National Song Project. 

This poem by Rita Joe has inspired young Canadians to find their voices. Based on the words in the poem, who do you think Rita Joe might be? What is the gist? Who is the "you" in the poem?

I Lost My Talk 
by Rita Joe

I lost my talk
The talk you took away.
When I was a little girl
At Shubenacadie school.

You snatched it away:
I speak like you
I think like you
I create like you
The scrambled ballad, about my word.

Two ways I talk
Both ways I say,
Your way is more powerful.

So gently I offer my hand and ask,
Let me find my talk
So I can teach you about me.

(Source: https://nac-cna.ca/en/ritajoesong)

Can you predict anything about the author and what the message may really be?

Writer's Notebook 2 Continued... Rita Joe

Rita Joe, (March 15, 1932 – March 20, 2007) was a Mi'kmaw poet and songwriter from Nova Scotia. Over her lifetime she published seven books, including I Lost My Talk. The poem, I Lost My Talk, reflects on her experiences at the Shubenacadie Indian Residential School that tried to rid her of her language and culture.

What is a residential school?

Rita Joe, like many First Nations children, attended a residential school; she was taken away from her community and forced to adopt European culture. She was one of few that chose to attend – most young First Nations children were taken away from their families and forced to attend. 

The treatment of many children in Indian Residential Schools was humiliating and taught them to feel unequal and ashamed. They were not allowed to speak their languages or practice their own cultures and beliefs. They were treated poorly.

These residential schools operated in Canada for over 100 years, and this has had a HUGE negative impact on First Nations peoples and culture. First Nations peoples are still trying to recover from this abuse and to regain their culture. 

Order of Canada

Through her writing and influence, Rita Joe did not give up hope that treatment of First Nations people in Canada could improve and she wrote her poems of protest and hope. Her wish is beginning to come true. Canada is beginning to recognize and educate people about our negative legacies and historical discrimination. 

In 1989, in recognition of her efforts, Rita Joe was made a Member of the Order of Canada, an award for Canadians who make a major difference to Canada through lifelong contributions. Rita Joe's poems of protest and hope contributed to our developing understanding of historical wrongs done to First Nations people in Canada. 

In your Writer's Notebook, read the poem again and annotate it by writing a sentence beside each stanza that explains what you think Rita Joe is trying to say about what happened to First Nations peoples. How does the message change in the last stanza?

Writer's Notebook 2 Continued.... Rita Joe National Song Project

National Arts Centre: Rita Joe National Song Project

Inspired by Rita Joe's poem, "I Lost My Talk," and her challenge for indigenous youth to "find their voices, share their stories, and celebrate their talents," Canada's National Arts Centre launched the Rita Joe National Song Project. The project called on youth from five First Nations' communities in Canada to write, record, and create a music video for a song based on Joe's poem. The videos were shared in January, 2016, in Ottawa. Here is one of the songs created by Canadian indigenous youth - the sound on the video starts at 45 seconds but watch from the beginning:

If you are interested in seeing some of the other songs created for this national song project, here they are. (Watching some of these is optional!)

Uqausira Asiujijara (Iqaluit - Inuit - Baffin Island, Nunavut)

Ish’kode (Kitigan Zibi - Anishinaabe - Western Quebec)

Nipawik (Edmonton - Métis/Cree)

Writer's Notebook 2 Continued... Critical Thinking Essay Body Paragraph Two

Continue thinking about the statement, "Poetry can change the world."

Write a second body paragraph for your essay based on Rita Joe's poem and the Rita Joe National Song project. In this paragraph, respond to most or all of the following:

• Topic Sentence: Start with a topic sentence that indicates that poetry and lyrics have helped change the world for some First Nations people.
  
• Supporting detail and elaborations: Rita Joe earned Order of Canada award. Explain what that is and why her poetry was thought to have earned it.
  
• Supporting detail and elaborations: Mention the Rita Joe National Song project and how has writing songs with lyrics may have helped the young people in the First Nations communities that made songs.
• Concluding sentence: A clincher sentence the restates the topic sentence in a powerful new way.

Eventually, this paragraph will become part of your five paragraph essay. Your teacher is looking for your ability to analyze evidence, gather information, and make choices for your essay that will help you create an impact on your audience - your teacher, home facilitator, and anyone else you choose to share this body of work with. 

You will have a chance to revise and edit this later. This is a first draft of your ideas based on the prompts above. Of course, if you have ideas beyond what is written above, you may expand your response. 

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete: "Critical Thinking Essay - Body Paragraph Two" 

Writer's Notebook 3: Can Poetry (Spoken Word) Change the World?

Spoken Word or performance poetry is poetry that is specifically written to be performed. Have you heard of its relative, slam poetry? 

Slam poetry is simply a business structure that creates spoken word competition for cash prizes. 

So basically, all three terms (spoken word, performance poetry, and slam poetry) mean the same thing - poetry that is performed!

Watch a couple of examples. As you watch:

• Notice the presentation: the unique combination of vocal expression, movement, and physical gestures that makes a poem into a performance.
• Think about the themes of the poems: theunderlying message, or big idea. It is the critical belief about life that the author is trying to convey.

EXAMPLE ONE: CAN WE AUTO-CORRECT HUMANITY?

Which of the following performance techniques did you see?

• varied pacing and volume of words and phrases,
• expression,
• eye contact,
• selective use of gestures.

What is the poem's theme (underlying message/big idea/critical lesson) about correcting humanity? What big idea is the author trying to share?

Answer The theme is something similar to this: People need to make a choice/decision to take time away from technology to have real human interactions where the focus is not a screen.

EXAMPLE TWO: TOURETTES

Many people have TIC disorders. They might shrug their shoulders, clear their throats, or scrunch up their face. Sometimes, they have TICS for a short part of their life. Sometimes, they disappear or just come back once in a while. Some people have both body and vocal TICS (where they make sounds) for a long time, and some of those people may be diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome (or TS).

A person with TS can do or be anything he or she wants. In fact, it was a doctor who had Tourette’s that “named it” and classified it. This spoken word poem is by a teen that has Tourette’s. This makes the audience say "WOW!". Watch it to figure out why!

Why would the audience say wow?

Answer - ATTENTION-GRABBING pacing and volume. - Expression that draws in the listener. - Engaging eye contact. - Brilliant use of gestures to emphasize some of his words.

What is the theme of this spoken word poem?

Answer There is more than one right answer. Perhaps he’d like people to better understand Tourette’s. Perhaps he wants to show that people with TS can achieve anything. What big idea or important message did you get from his spoken word?

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete the responses to Example One and Example Two.  

Writer's Notebook 3 Continued... Critical Thinking Essay Body Paragraph 3

CRITICAL THINKING ESSAY - BODY PARAGRAPH THREE

• Think about how poetry can change the world through spoken word, using the spoken word poems you watched for evidence.

Here are some ideas on how you may structure it:

Topic sentence: 

• Start with a topic sentence that tells the audience the paragraph is about how spoken word poetry can change the way people think about the world and people in it.

Supporting details and elaborations:

• What were the themes of the poems (Tourette's, Can We Autocorrect Humanity) and how might they change the way people think about the world and people in it?
• How do you think the the popularity of spoken word poetry has helped spread important messages about the world?

Concluding sentence: A clincher sentence the restates the topic sentence in a powerful new way.

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete: "Critical Thinking Essay - Body Paragraph Three." 

Writer's Notebook 4: Reading, Writing, and Presenting Spoken Word Poems

Try reading one or both of the following poems in “Spoken Word” style.

If possible, read them with your home facilitator, taking turns and alternating lines.

You may wish to read them more than. Once you "know" the poem, you can add better expression, be more fluent, and even use some gestures.

Confidence ~ By Chris

Confidence to take that last minute shot

Confidence to see the future and stand my ground,

Confidence to get out on the field and do my best,

Confidence to ask the teacher questions,

Confidence in the people around me,

Confidence to play sports with the best,

Confidence to just let things be how they are,

Confidence to reject bad influences in my life,

Confidence to speak my mind,

Confidence in losing and winning

Confidence to look others in the eye and be myself,

Confidence to know what I like and what I don’t,

Confidence to take the first step in life,

Confidence to look within for the answers,

Confidence to prove myself and all that I can be,

Confidence to never give up.

(Source: https://www.google.ca/search?q=Marsha+Waldman+poetry&ie=utf-8&oe=u8&client=firefox-b&gfe_rd=cr&ei=CmpGV8T6BueV8Qf845uACw#tf-)

Here is another to try!

To Make You Happy ~ By Alexa

I’ll make you happy like the elderly woman placing flowers in a vase that has been empty since her children left home.

I’ll make you happy like the exhausted warrior seeing the white flag of an enemy waving.

I’ll make you happy like the insomniac drifting into a deep sleep.

I’ll make you happy like that “after” woman in the weight loss ad.

I’ll make you happy like the newly weds buying light bulbs together for the first time.

I’ll make you happy like the fragile child choosing the right star to wish on.

I’ll make you happy the the one they all under estimated who is now signing autographs.

I’ll make you happy like the girl who’s getting nothing she asked for but everything she wanted.

I’ll make you happy like the blind boy knowing of the moon’s true beauty.

I’ll make you happy like the friend waiting for you with an umbrella in the downpour.

I’ll make you happy like the graffiti artist with a red can of paint and a naked wall.

I’ll make you happy like a poet with a blank page of potential.

I’ll make you happy like…

Wait.

Did you ever try to make me happy?

No. Oh.

I’ll forgive you…

If it would make you happy.

(Source: https://www.google.ca/search?q=Marsha+Waldman+poetry&ie=utf-8&oe=u8&client=firefox-b&gfe_rd=cr&ei=CmpGV8T6BueV8Qf845uACw#tf-)

Open your Writer's Notebook and complete your reflections on "reading" spoken word poems.  

Writer's Notebook 4 Continued... Writing a Spoken Word Poem

With enough passion and practice, you can become a spoken word poet. Explore a distant memory, explore an issue, or bring to life an emotion on paper; then, read it out loud. Revise it. Edit it. Try reading it out loud again. Add your finishing touches. Gayle Danley offers five steps to being a slam (or spoken word) poet - while being downright poetic in the process.

Your turn! You are going to write a performance poem of your own to practice (and practice) and then record for the teacher. (Maybe you can share it with some classmates, family members, or friends, too.) What will you write about?

WRITING YOUR OWN SPOKEN WORD POEM

TOPIC

Your Spoken Word poetry topic can be anything. Often, these poems are about a social or environmental issue or injustice. Injustice is a situation in which the rights of a person or a group of people are ignored, disrespected, or violated. 

• What are some examples of injustice that we can improve upon? These can include events from the past or present and/or can include examples you have experienced personally, heard about, read about, or saw in the news. (child labour, gender equality, historical racism)

• What are some issues in society? How can we address them to contribute to community? (Bullying, stereotyping, discrimination, homelessness, Internet safety) Brainstorm a list of issues in society that could be topics for spoken word poetry.

• Strong emotions can make strong spoken word poems. You can make a poem similar to the poem you read near the beginning of this lesson. 
  

• A recent or distant memory (or a set of memories all about the same theme).

Choosing something you're passionate about will help you translate your feelings into poetic language. You could think of a time someone made you angry, a current issue that upsets you or an emotional moment in your life, but performance poems don't have to be negative or weighty in tone. For example, you could also write about a sport or hobby you enjoy – using a key moment like scoring your first goal in soccer and the tension building up to that moment, or you could recall building your first fort while shaping memories, tying your shoe for the first time, or a special moment with your pet. Sometimes a small moment (in terms of time) can make a big poem.

THEME

What theme do your want your audience to think about? This is the purpose for your poem.

Open your Writer's Notebook, record your topic and theme, brainstorm ideas, and write, revise, and edit your own spoken word poem.  

Writer's Notebook 4 Continued - Practicing and Presenting Your Spoken Word

Or should this say "Practice"? 

Over the next few days, while you work on your Writer's Workshop to complete your five paragraph essay, you can also practise performing your spoken word poem. To complete this unit, a recording of this poem will need to be submitted. You can choose whether or not to memorize this. You may wish, instead, to write it in LARGE print on LARGE paper (or paper from your recycling bin taped together to make chart-size paper). Then, you can post it at eye level on a wall and read it when you need to. 

Work on:

• Voice
  • Exceptional expression and fluency
  • Carefully placed pauses
  • Pacing
  • Being clear and easy to understand
• Body
  • Facial expression
  • Gestures 
  • Body language
• Audience
  
  • Strong eye contact 
  • Appear to be engaged in your own poem from beginning to end. 

Practicing a few times a day for a few days will make a big difference. You can practice on your own in front of a mirror, in front of your home facilitator, and in front of friends and family until you are ready to make a video recording. 

You can record it using a smart phone or talk to your teacher about how you can best present it if you can't do a video. 

For now, this lesson and poem are completed. Congratulations! 

Do you have someone you can share your poem with now?

Please submit your Unit 4 Writer's Notebook. You will still be able to practice your spoken word poem as you have a copy on your computer. 

Writer's Workshop - Critical Thinking Essay

You have a clear purpose: to prove that poetry can change the world. Can you create a response to convince others to agree with your opinion? Can you monitor your writing and adjust it to make it more convincing or powerful?

You have three fascinating paragraphs written connecting to lyrics, poetry, and spoken word. What is the point? 

The point is the answer to the question:

Can poetry change the world?

To help your readers, you can turn your three paragraphs into a short essay by adding two short pieces, but you need to understand how an essay is organized!

A typical five paragraph essay contains a powerful opening or introductory paragraph (one paragraph), a body (three or more paragraphs, each with supporting reasons), and a convincing conclusion (one paragraph). You've got your ideas already for the body paragraphs.

Over the next few lessons, you will:

1. Write a powerful opening paragraph. 

2. Add your body paragraphs (drafted as you went through your "Writer's Notebook" lessons.

3. Create a convincing conclusion paragraph.

4. Revise by:

a) adding transition words

b) checking specific items provided to you

5. Edit

Then, you will submit your revised and edited draft. Your teacher will give you feedback. After you apply the feedback, you can submit a final copy. 

Writer's Workshop 1: Opening

Let's add an opening paragraph.

The opening introductory paragraph is where you introduce the topic and state your position (point of view) on it. Firstly, it should “grab” your reader’s attention and make him or her want to read on - a hook. This could be:

• an interesting fact
• a personal story
• a question

Secondly, it needs to state your position or oponion about poetry changing the world, using a thesis statement. This is usually a short statement that at summarizes the main point or claim of an essay; in this case, it is statement of your point of view - your short answer to the question, Can poetry change the world? The thesis tells what the entire essay is about. The thesis is at the end of the opening paragraph; basically, this paragraph is an upside down paragraph from what you are used to, with the topic of the entire essay at the end.

Here is an Example:

Did you ever wonder who made those designer jeans and fancy running shoes you’re wearing? If you found out it was a child working for pennies a day in a smelly, crowded factory, rather than going to school, would you still buy those clothes? I doubt it very much. Child labour is a serious problem in some parts of the world; by shopping carefully so we don’t support businesses that employ child workers, we can make a difference.

As you can see, the opening of a this essay first catches your interest and introduces an important issue. Then, it includes the author’s position on the issue in a thesis sentence. Evidence to support that position will come in the body paragraphs.

What goes before your thesis statement?

In an essay, the opening paragraph is really like an upside-down paragraph. It can be a very short paragraph. Here are three possible openers based on a critical question about time spent gaming - a question, a quotation, and a statistic or fact. Which do you think is the most catchy?

Open your saved document and draft an opening paragraph at the beginning of your composition.

• Begin it with one of the three strategies below.
• Followed the opener with a  thesis that clearly states your opinion about whether or not poetry can change the world.

Question:

Start with a question. Follow it with a thesis that clearly states the issue or topic and your opinion.

Do you think tweens and teens should be allowed to play video and computer games as much as they want? Based on extensive research, there are many reasons why time alloted to gaming should be restricted.

Quotation:

Start with a quotation, often from an expert. Follow it with a thesis that clearly states the issue or topic and your opinion.

Dr. Douglas Gentile, Director of the Media Research Lab at Iowa State University reports, “Almost one out of every ten youth gamers shows enough symptoms of damage to their school, family, and psychological functioning to merit serious concern.” Based on extensive research, there are many reasons why time alloted to gaming should be restricted.

Statistic or Fact:

Start with a statistic or fact. Follow it with a thesis that clearly states the issue or topic and your opinion.

According to ikeepsafe.org, kids aged 8 to 18 spend on average 44.5 hours per week in front of screens, and nearly 23% of youth report that they feel “addicted to video games”. Based on extensive research, there are many reasons why time alloted to gaming should be restricted.

• Open your Writer's Workshop Assignment Template.
• Save it on your computer.
• Complete: Writer's Workshop 1: Opening.

Writer's Workshop 2: Body Paragraphs

The body paragraphs are where you support your thesis reasons and examples. Each main supporting idea is in a paragraph. If you do your job properly, you will convince your reader that your position is the right one.

The body of a five paragraph essay has three paragraphs. Each paragraph has a distinct focus or "point" related to your thesis that is supported by your connections and inferences from the lessons in section 3 of this poetry unit.

Each body paragraph needs to start with a topic sentence.

For example,

The lyrics in music can spread powerful messages about causes people care about.

Make sure each body paragraph has a topic sentence that introduces the type of poetry discussed (lyrics, Rita Joe, or spoken word) and how it supports your thesis.

Make sure each body paragraph has UNITY: 

Unity: It’s important for a paragraph to have unity—for all of its parts to belong together. One way to be sure your paragraph has unity is to check that each sentence relates to your topic sentence.  Check each sentence in your draft; be sure that it relates to your main idea. If you find a sentence that doesn’t belong, either delete it or use it to start a new paragraph. 

Below is an overview again of the gist of each body paragraph:

• Body paragraph one - how music lyrics could reflect different purposes, messages, and audiences (supported by evidence from the text) related to changing the world

• Body paragraph two - How has Rita Joe's poetry helped to change the world? How have Rita Joe's poem, Order of Canada award, and the Rita Joe National Song Project helped the young people in the First Nations communities find their voices?
  

• Body paragraph three - How might the themes of the poems, Tourette's and Can We Autocorrect Humanity change the way people think about the world and people in it? How has the popularity of spoken word poetry has helped spread important messages about the world?

Copy and paste all three body paragraphs into the Writer's Workshop assignment template. They can be put in any order, but consider putting your "strongest" paragraph last. 

Writer's Workshop 3: Concluding Paragraph

In a five paragraph essay, there is an entire concluding paragraph (instead of just a concluding sentence you'd find in a single paragraph).

A concluding paragraph briefly summarize the main parts of the essay and closes with a powerful statement that reflects your point of view. It ties everything together. It is the last thing your audience sees or hears so it must be very convincing.

Read the information below. Then, add a concluding paragraph to your essay.

A good conclusion has three parts.

Writer's Workshop 4: Put It Together and Add Transition Words

1. Put it all together.

Before working on transition words, in your Writer's Workshop Assignment Template, under Writer's Workshop 4, copy (not cut) and paste your paragraph in order. 

• Opening (also called introductory) paragraph
• Body Paragraph 1
• Body Paragraph 2
• Body Paragraph 3
• Concluding (also called closing) paragraph

2. Add transition words.

To make sure that your ideas flow and that the gap between ideas is bridged smoothly, you can use transitional words and phrases. Check the following list of words to find those that will pull your sentences and paragraphs together and add just a few to your essay where flow should be improved.

For continuing a common line of reasoning:
consequently, clearly, then, furthermore, additionally, and in addition, moreover, besides that, in the same way, following this, furthermore, it is easy to see that

To change the line of reasoning (contrast):
however, on the other hand, but, yet, nevertheless, on the contrary

For general use:
admittedly, certainly, granted, no doubt, obviously, of course, to be sure, undoubtedly, unquestionably, in general

Transitional :
firstly, secondly, finally...
in the first place, just in the same way, lastly

Sequence or time:
afterwards, as soon as, at first, before, before long, in the meantime, meanwhile, next

Complete this on your Writer's Workshop Assignment Template. 

Writer's Workshop 5: Revising and Editing

Revising is your chance to improve your first draft by adding, deleting, changing, and moving ideas around.

You may need to revise your essay two or three times before you are fully satisfied with it.

STEP ONE: DELETE "I THINK" AND OTHER "I STATEMENTS".

These sentences became stronger because I-statements were removed.

I-statement examples are:

• I think...
• I believe...
• I know...
• I say...

Using I-statements makes your writing weaker because it highlights this information as your opinion. Also, by saying, "I think" or "I believe," it shows a level of uncertainty.  By cutting out I-statements, it makes your writing feel more like a fact. People are swayed more by facts than opinion.

Example: I think it is a good idea to read a book every day for at least 30 minutes.

Change to:

Example: It is a good idea to read a book every day for at least 30 minutes.

STEP TWO: CHOOSE STRONG MODAL VERBS AND POWERFUL ADVERBS.

STRONG MODAL VERBS

Must and will show we are sure about our beliefs or that something has to happen. Could, might, can, and may are much weaker. 

POWERFUL ADVERBS

Possibly, perhaps, maybe, possibly, and definitely are all adverbs. They change the power of a verb in different ways.

To be convincing, make sure to cut out weak adverbs. It is better to just have a strong verb on its own. Definitely is definitely the best choice.

STEP THREE: Ask yourself these questions as you revise your work.

• Does my opening paragraph hook the reader? 
• Did I state my position clearly in my thesis statement?
• Is it clear where my paragraph breaks are? 
• Do I stay on topic?
• Am I convincing? Will others agree with my opinion about the impact of poetry after they read my "evidence"?
• Does my information flow easily from one paragraph to another? Do I use transition words to enhance the flow?
• Does my closing paragraph restate my thesis, summarize the main point from each body paragraph, and end with a personal comment or call to action (such as a prediction, question, recommendation, or quotation)?

Patrol your writing for CUPS:

1. Submit a copy of your completed Writer's Workshop assignment template that contains your revised and edited draft. 
2. Then, wait for feedback from your teacher before doing your final copy. 
3. Use the feedback your teacher gives you to make revisions. 
4. Then you will have a final copy ready to submit.